To Marry or Not to Marry

     Tradition! Although NSA is like a fledgling extending its wings, it has quickly established traditions that have made it scandalously drool inspiring. But one more is lacking. As courtship term approaches, guys and girls are daydreaming about Dorian modes. Right, what’s a cubit? Like Pandora during Latin class, fantasizing about courting is quite diverting. It doesn't help that Mr. Appel will sound like the Princess Bride priest. Longly I pondered, and finally found a tradition that will save us from GPA collapsation. Let’s import a Jewish matchmaker. She’ll haunt the halls, stalk the students, hack their Facebooks and seal their fate with her romantic wiles. There’s just one predicament; you girls will bribe her to get matched with me. But I’ll sacrifice myself. Guys, you won’t have to be distressed about the seniors swooping down and taking your girl, she is already yours. Girls, now you won’t worry yourself sick on whether you should marry the sixteen-year-old self-deluded demigod wannabe; or Nathaniel, who believes he eliminates competition by bashing Reuben, who bashed himself. Imagine how exciting graduation would be if along with your diploma you get handed your surprise Mrs. degree. This ain’t secret sister, it’s secret mister. After all, this is what NSA stands for: Need spouse ASAP.